What am i doing?

I've got no idea on what am i doing now.
In terms of career?
In terms of relationship?
In terms of personality?
In terms of everything, perhaps.

1712 now, missing him.

It is right? It is wrong? I don't know. Or should say that i choose not to know it? In fact I'm just avoiding it for this moment, perhaps to drag it until no-date.

People, I'm not that tough as you all imagine.
I want to take off my mask, stop pretending in front of everyone, but i can't.
Don't ask me why, I just don't want to face it.

I need a break, sneak out of this reality. I really need, and I need XXXXXXXX to by my side. Will he?